Welcome to Attachment Alchemy:
Rewriting the Stories that Shape Us
Welcome to Attachment Alchemy! I’m Dr Tracy—a Clinical Psychologist, Jungian Life Coach, Energy Healer, and Yoga and Meditation Teacher with over two decades of experience working with attachment dynamics. This space is the result of my deep passion for unravelling the threads of connection that define our lives—romantic relationships, parenting, friendships, and even the way we relate to ourselves and the world around us.
When I first discovered Attachment Theory as a trainee therapist, many years ago, it transformed the way I saw relationships. It wasn’t just about a diagnosis or understanding history; it was about seeing the invisible ties that bind us to our loved ones, our not so loved ones, our pasts, our present (and if we can or can’t be present) and even our futures. I realised that our attachment patterns, formed in childhood, ripple into every corner of our lives—affecting how we love, communicate, nurture others, and even make everyday decisions.
In my twenties, I wrote an article for the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) Journal about how therapists need to understand their own attachment styles to be able to work within the relational dynamic in the room (referred to as transference). To my surprise, I received a personal letter from Sir Richard Bowlby, the son of Dr John Bowlby, the father of Attachment Theory. He thanked me for bringing this vital perspective into the conversation. That moment was a turning point. It reminded me that understanding attachment isn’t just academic—it’s deeply personal and something of value to every single one of us.
Since then, my work has evolved. My doctoral research explored attachment styles in women diagnosed with personality disorders, resident in a therapeutic community and how this impacted their experiences and trauma recovery. I work as an Expert Witness in this area. Within Family Courts this involves analysing the delicate interplay of attachment in parenting and relationship bonds. I’ve seen how trauma bonds, domestic violence, and unmet childhood needs play out in real lives. In Criminal Courts consideration of attachment may contribute to understanding the motives of someone’s offending patterns and the likelihood of their reoffending.
This is a space where science meets soul. It’s a place where we untangle the intricate threads of our relationships to weave a tapestry of self-awareness, healing, and transformation. Here, we will explore the golden strands of connection and the loops of infinity that symbolise the cyclical nature of generational patterns, whether secure or insecure and how they shape the stories we play out our lives to.
What is Attachment Theory?
Attachment Theory, first developed by John Bowlby, posits that our earliest relationships—with our primary caregivers—form the blueprint for how we connect with others throughout our lives. Bowlby’s groundbreaking work identified four primary attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised. These styles, shaped in infancy (predominantly the first 2-3 years), influence our behaviours, expectations, and emotional responses in adult relationships. At its core, attachment theory reveals the profound ways in which our early bonds affect our ability to feel safe, loved, and connected.
Attachment Styles and Their Meanings
1. Secure Attachment – This develops when caregivers are consistently responsive, warm, and attuned to a child’s needs. Individuals with secure attachment generally feel safe in relationships, trust others, and have a healthy balance of independence and intimacy. They are comfortable seeking support and providing it to others.
2. Anxious (Ambivalent) Attachment – Formed when caregiving is inconsistent or unpredictable. Children in these environments may become clingy or overly dependent, fearing abandonment. As adults, they may worry excessively about their relationships, seeking constant reassurance but often feeling unsatisfied or insecure.
3. Avoidant Attachment – This style arises when caregivers are emotionally unavailable or dismissive. To cope, children learn to suppress their emotional needs and become self-reliant. In adulthood, avoidant individuals may struggle with intimacy, often distancing themselves from partners or avoiding vulnerability.
4. Disorganised Attachment – Often the result of trauma, neglect, and frightening caregiving. Children may experience both a desire for closeness and fear of the caregiver. This leads to internal conflict and confusion. As adults, disorganised attachment can manifest as intense, chaotic relationships, trust issues, or difficulty regulating emotions.
Modern developments in attachment theory have expanded the scope of Bowlby’s work but I wanted to start the thread at the beginning today. In future articles, we will explore wider ideas too.
Attachment Alchemy is not just about theory, it is about making sense of your story—why you feel the way you do, why you repeat certain patterns, and how you can create meaningful change.
What You Can Expect
I’ll share stories from my own life, including an absent father and lessons learned from navigating two divorces, co-parenting, single parenting, and managing the chaos of living with ADHD while parenting neurodivergent children. I’ll also share insights from my clinical practice, always with confidentiality and care.
Each article will blend:
Storytelling: Because we all learn best through stories—yours, mine, and those of the people who inspire us.
Attachment Theory: The framework that underpins it all, explaining the patterns that shape us.
Practical Tools: Actionable steps to help you heal, grow, and create more secure and satisfying relationships.
Why "Alchemy"?
Alchemy is the process of transformation. Just as alchemists sought to turn lead into gold, Attachment Alchemy is about transforming pain into strength, confusion into clarity, and disconnection into deeper bonds. It’s about understanding your patterns, rewriting your narrative, and stepping into a version of yourself that feels empowered and whole.
Your Journey Starts Here
Whether you’re navigating the complexities of trauma, parenting a neurodivergent child, co-parenting with a difficult ex, recovering from a breakup, searching for a partner and hoping to break prior negative patterns, navigating loss or simply looking to understand yourself better, this blog is for you. Together, we’ll explore the intersections of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, rooted in evidence-based insights, personal and clinical observation and practical tools.
I’m so glad you’re here, and to foster secure attachment to this topic I shall continue to write and keep you in mind even if you are not present, I will hold the space.
To kick things off, the next post will dive into a foundational concept: "The Blueprint of Your Bonds: Attachment Styles 101.”
In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you: What questions or challenges are you facing in your relationships? Drop me a comment or send a message—I’m here to help.
Let’s untangle the past and weave a future in a pattern that we want.